can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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