Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
