He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
