It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
