I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
