You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
