Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
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I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
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In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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