i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
