Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
