The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize