i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
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I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
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When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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