The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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