We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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