woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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