he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
