Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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