we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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