bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
