i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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