I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
