you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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