I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
