its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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