then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
