i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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