please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
