you have to choose: penises or morals?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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