This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Randomize
