From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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