Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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