I am in a vortex of obligation.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
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there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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