I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
