Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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