Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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