apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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