You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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