Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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