i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Shame - the story of my life.
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