its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
