She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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