if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
