She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
