Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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