I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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