if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
