One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
