Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
