I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
