Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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