i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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