i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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