I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
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