I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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