fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
