In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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