high people should be assigned attendants
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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