if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
