I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
