so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
