Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
it's not cheating when I paid for it
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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