Plan B is the new Plan A
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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