She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
