i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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