You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
