god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
