I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
