I'm really into asian looking animals
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
