ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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