Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
