I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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