At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
