the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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