Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
