forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
